Music Party Games! | Soundtracking Your Own Revenge Fantasy

I recently listened to an audio clip from actress, producer, writer, comedian and future wife Mindy Kaling's new book Is Everyone Hanging Out Without Me? (available November 1, 2011). In the audiobook excerpt posted online, Kaling talks about how the only way she can motivate herself to exercise is to create elaborate revenge fantasies in her mind while running on her treadmill.

When listening to the audio snippet, I laughed out loud. Not only because Min-Min (yes, I just gave Mindy Kaling a nickname. I'm sure she's cool with that in some alternate dimension) writes with such wit and charm, but because while I've never made my own revenge fantasy before, I couldn't help but realize how awesome this idea is. As freaky or psychotic as it may sound, revenge has always been one of those TOO-COOL 4 SCHOOL subjects for me, you know? In all the movies I've watched, revenge is presented as cool and sleek. There's just something about being able to live vicariously through a character who gets a chance to give the villain a piece of his or her mind. Especially since in real life, you're constantly getting bombarded with issues that you have no control over.

So, being inspired by Min-Min's own brave choice to share her revenge fantasy, I said "WHY THE HELL NOT!?" and decided to not only craft my own wicked tale of revenge and retribution, but to establish how I would soundtrack this future Razzie winning piece. There are just some great indie songs that I feel would be perfect for my story of love, loss, and butt-kicking. And since this is a music blog, why wouldn't I post it? Staying relevant, people!

Since I'm attempting this for my first time, be gentle. I've chosen to break down the fantasy into five acts. Eat your heart out, SHAKESPEARE!

Let's begin.

ACT I: The Beginning

MY SONG CHOICE FOR THIS SCENE
Charli XCX - "Nuclear Seasons"

It's a wonderful crisp Saturday morning in autumn. My wife Susan (played by the very tolerable looking Megan Fox) pecks me on the cheek, and gently shoves me to get up so we can take our daughter, Abigail (played by Abigail Breslin - she got the part because casting knew it wouldn't be hard for her to remember her character's name - AND because she's great!), to her first ballet recital. I drag myself out from under the warm covers of the bed. Susan, Abigail and I live in a lovely townhouse near Central Park. I enter the bathroom to brush my teeth.

"Daddy!" Abigail cries as she runs to hug me. Abigail wears her ballet outfit: a pink tutu, white tights, and a pink pair of ballet slippers. I hug her back before grabbing my toothbrush. "Hurry up, sleepyhead! We're gonna be late!" Susan calls Abigail from the bedroom.

"Abs!" Susan calls, "I told you, daddy's meeting us at your recital later. Now go downstairs - your breakfast is getting cold!" Susan watches as Abigail runs downstairs. She flashes me a smile. "Can you hand me my cellphone?" Susan asks. I look over to Susan's Nokia flip phone sitting on the laundry hamper of the bathroom. As I hand it to her, I look at the phone's screen. Eight new messages.

"Everything okay?" I ask, flashing her the screen as I hand it to her.

"Yeah." Susan says, furrowing her brow. "I'll take this in the other room. It's probably just work."

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ACT II: The Catalyst

MY SONG CHOICE FOR THIS SCENE
Bon Iver - "Michicant"

Later in the day, I pull up to the front of Abigail's ballet studio, only to see police cars and caution tape surrounding the area. Crowds of people swarm around the police tape. An officer in uniform pushes away the crowd. "Nothing to see. Everyone back away! This is an official crime scene," the policeman says. I drive up and immediately recognize Susan's totaled Lexus (ed note: you're allowed to be rich in revenge fantasies; also product placement!) behind the tape. I gulp. I run towards the scene only to see Susan's lifeless body before me. A catch a glimpse of a gun wound in her head. Abigail is nowhere to be found.

Months pass and Abigail is never found. It's a difficult time, or at least with great cinematography, it looks like a difficult time. Bon Iver's "Michicant" plays in the background, and with the dark lighting, cold winter weather and shots of me looking down as I sit at the edge of my bed, the audience would have to be heartless monsters not to cry!

In the months after the murder, I learn that my wife hid a secret gambling problem, resulting in her borrowing money from loan sharks; loan sharks she couldn't pay back. This resulted in her untimely end.

With the help of a rough around the edges P.I. (played by Danny Glover [he didn't even need to audition]) I learn the hit on my wife was the result of JOEY CAPONE: the mob boss of an underground mafia ring.

I'm determined to find my daughter.

I'm determined to find Joey.

I'm determined to get my revenge.

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ACT III: The Plan

MY SONG CHOICE FOR THIS SCENE
Florence + the Machine - "Shake it Out"

In this montage set to Florence's bombastic track "Shake It Out," I learn the location of Joey Capone's hideout; a trendy Manhattan club named GORGE. Owned by Joey, he uses the club to launder money from his various underground operations.

I plan on ambushing Joey at the club and finally enacting revenge on the family he took away from me. The cinematography for this scene is still dark; the only light coming from the various desk lamps sitting on my TABLE OF REVENGE. I have maps, floor plans, and P.I. Danny Glover helping me along the way. I even have that cliche cork board of pictures and clues held together by thumb tacks and string. The string connects each new clue back to Joey. I am obviously very serious.

As the song gets louder, the camera shoots to various scenes of me working out and training for my future revenge kill. I box; hitting an EverLast punching bag repeatedly, I run on the treadmill; soaked with sweat. I train at the local shooting range; each of my gun shots landing perfectly in the skull of my paper target. I'm like Jean Claude Van Damme in the workout scene from Double Team - except less Dennis Rodman and short shorts. As the song ends, and fades out, a look of determination and certainty falls across my face.

I'm ready.

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ACT IV: The Execution

MY SONG CHOICES FOR THIS SCENE

The Knife - "One Hit"

 

It's a cool April evening. The streets are empty. The pulsing buzzing synths of The Knife's "One Hit" play as the camera pans across the empty, littered streets of Manhattan. As the song's beat builds, the camera moves into Joey Capone's club. GORGE. People dance. Joey Capone (played by the talented Mickey Rourke [I guess this is kind of like Double Team]) walks out from the back room, admiring the various bikini-clad woman dancing in cages suspended over the dance floor. The dance floor shimmers with the club's strobe lights. Girls in tight party dresses dance with men. 

The strobe lights flash repeatedly. 

I appear. Driving fast among the city highway towards the club. Nothing on my mind but my end destination. My end goal. With my pistol sitting in the back seat, the camera moves onto me. I look different. Time has made me cold. Nothing can stop me. The scene switches back and forth between me and Joey. Me, edging closer to my final destination; and Joey, sitting back, expecting nothing.

Suuns - "Pie IX"

As I make my way into Gorge, the music transitions into Suun's "Pie IX". With the drooping beats slapping together, I slink my way through the crowd into the back room, silently killing each of Joey's bodyguard. I put each man into a headlock and crack their neck. They fall to the floor. I slink further into the back room. Lights flicker. I evade henchmen, ducking low behind crates of martini olives. I kick open the back door ready to face Joey. Instead, there is Abigail huddling in the corner.

"Daddy!" she yells. She runs to me and I hug her in my arms.

HEALTH "Lost Time (Pictureplane Remix)"

Joey Capone appears in the doorway. The music changes. The pictures I've seen of him have not done justice to his face. He is a gruesome man: skinny and sickly, scars across his cheeks, his eyes bloodshot and his cheeks gaunt.

Like I said, he is a gruesome man.

Joey pulls out a jagged knife. I pull out my gun, ready to end this. Joey sprints across the room and knocks my gun from my hands with a swift kick. The gun flies out of my hand.

Abigail screams.

I move Abigail aside. Joey drops his knife. He's ready to fight with some good old fashion hand to hand combat.

I smile.

WE fight. The carnage plays out in a choreographed mess of pulp, blood, screams, and grunts. The tribal drums of HEALTH's track mimic the animal brutality of the fight scene.

As I kick Joey with a fast high kick, his head bends backs as he drops to the floor. Joey's head breaks his fall. His neck snaps.

Joey lies still.

I smile.

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Act V: The Final Scene

MY SONG CHOICE FOR THE SCENE

College (feat. Electric Youth) - "A Real Hero"

As I walk out with Abigail in my arms, everything is right with the world again. The screen fades to black, and College's "A Real Hero" slowly erupts into the soundscape while the screen reads "Directed by Stephon Speilbergendorf."

People rise from their movie seats. Applauding. Or asking for their money back. This film hardly earns back half of the production budget and the studio is sued since no one paid for the rights to use these songs.

Fin.

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I hope you enjoyed my revenge fantasy! If you weren't weirded out by this endeavour, then I think we have potential to be the best of friends.

If you want to have a bit of fun, write in the comments what your revenge fantasy soundtrack would be. It doesn't have to be elaborate. Just a song or two for each of the below categories. If you are feeling extra sassy, write your own revenge fantasy. With enough people, this can become an official internet party game! e-party 2011, bring the keg.jpg! Make Min-Min proud!

Revenge Fantasy Soundtrack Guidelines

1. The Beginning: This scene is meant to establish who your characters are. Your song choice works best when it foreshadows the future event that will lead you on your path of revenge, but you can also just choose a song you feel would be a great opening track to your revenge fantasy.
2. The Catalyst: Exactly what it sounds like; this scene is the catalyst for your revenge. Depending on the revenge - whether it's spousal death, identity theft, wrongful conviction, or someone stealing your Snickers candy bar (BITCH) - the moment that creates your hunger for revenge will vary. Get a song that really establishes the emotion of the scene, or your character.
3. The Plan: The plan leading up to your moment of revenge is all heavily edited montages: scenes of you researching your target, scenes of you working out and training for your revenge kill, and scenes of you starring at your lost loved one in a conveniently placed picture; turning the frame down because it's too hard to look at their faces, REPEAT as desired. The backing song can be anything, but deep powerful lyrics are preferred. The song needs to be saying exactly what's happening in your character's psyche.
4. The Execution: You've trained, you've prepared, and now you are ready to enact your revenge! The music must be perfect! This scene will (hopefully) be the most memorable scene of your revenge piece. Make it work and feel free to pick several songs to build up to the climatic finish.
5. Completion/End Credits: The scene that establishes your success. It's a dark and slow-moving scene that shows you - the hero - walking away, accomplished and fulfilled; your plan for revenge finally complete.

Have fun!